


Make It Stop

by DirtyLilGreaseMonkey



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Eventual Fluff, M/M, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 12:04:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6905722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey/pseuds/DirtyLilGreaseMonkey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the night Aaron threw Robert out he can't sleep and does the only this he can to stop the thoughts in his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Make It Stop

**Author's Note:**

> This kinda spiralled from a prompt and an anon wanting fluff, i know its not overly fluffy but I have more on the way!
> 
> Prompt - After last nights episode I had a heartbreaking dream Robert woke up in the middle of the night and looked out of his bedroom window and saw Aaron stood in the middle of the street looking up at his window sobbing his heart out robert burst into tears himself and ran out to him and they stood holding each other in the street - in pyjamas!!
> 
>  
> 
> This story contains descriptions of self harm, if you find this triggering in any way please do not read further. 
> 
> For my anon!!

Aaron couldn't sleep; not only did he have dark thoughts of what his father had done creeping back into his head after weeks of trying to rid them but now he had a constant ache in his chest, an ache that only grew worse when he opened his eyes to find the bed next to him empty, a space that should have been occupied by Robert. Robert who still, after everything, continued to lie to him, to manipulate him. He knew he was right about what he said and Robert knew it too, the lies were killing them, maybe not now but somewhere down the line they would end up hating each other, they'd been there before and they both knew they couldn't live like that; Aaron was just brave enough to end it before it got that far. So why didn't he feel brave? Why didn't he feel the relief he had expected to feel when he told Robert to get out of his life but instead felt a great big gaping hole that he knew only Roberts presence could fill. Deep down he knew the reason but he was just too scared to admit it. Instead he closed his eyes again and tried to imagine his future, something he'd never really done before the hearing. But now, every time he did there was one person staring back at him, making it impossible for him to move on. No it wasn't it Dad like he thought it should be but Robert. Robert with all his secrets and his lies. Robert with all his schemes so used to getting his own way. Robert will all his love and support. Robert with his half smile that made Aaron believe anything was possible. He shook his head trying to rid the blonde mans heartbroken face from his thoughts but it was no use he was all around him, his shirt from the day before still hung from the coat hanger on the wardrobe door, his leather jacket was slung on the back of the desk chair. Aaron let out a heavy sigh as he buried his head in the pillow next to him inhaling the lingering scent of the man he'd yet to confess his love for, the man who has broken his heart more times than he dared to count, the man he couldn't live without; that's when the tears started with no sign of stopping.

Across the village in another darkened room smaller than he was used to now lay Robert, eyes open wide staring up the cracked ceiling of keepers cottage, his thoughts consumed with the man he loved, Aaron. He wasn't surprised that he couldn't sleep because of Aaron, the younger mans safety playing on his mind was nothing new to him, in fact Aaron had been his other real thought for months. How best to support Aaron, what he could do to help him, what did Aaron need from him that particular day. But now after Aaron told him to get out of his life he felt lost like he didn't have a purpose anymore without Aaron to take care of, not that he'd been doing a great job at that but he'd tried, tried to protect Aaron, to keep him from hurting himself again and now the reality that Robert wasn't there to stop him gripped tightly around Robert heart and wouldn't let go. If he really thought about it he could understand Aarons outburst but he hadn’t let him explain. He knew how Aaron felt about money, about his dad's money but what about Liv? She was only refusing her share because she thought that's what Aaron wanted to hear and at the end of the day that wasn't fair on either of them. He'd attempted to explain this before Aaron has started yelling, and he knew he'd been right, that every lie Robert told even if they were lies to protect Aaron, in the end was killing their relationship. He sighed heavily and forced his eyes closed willing his body to be dragged under the darkness of unconsciousness but it never came.

When Aarons sobs had ebbed slightly and he'd calmed down a little, he sat up pulling Roberts pillow to his chest realising it wasn't even Robert he was angry at he'd just happened to be there like he always was to receive the blunt of it. Aaron wasn't even sure why he'd been angry and although Robert had done nothing specific to invoke his anger it was always there bubbling just underneath the surface; too much monster in his blood. He'd always had a temper, always lashed out and normally at the wrong person but this time the person he wanted to be angry at was dead, and he hadn't even had chance to tell him what he thought of him, and that was Roberts fault. He'd lied about the letter, a letter that held so much potential for Aaron but now all he felt was that mans blood running through his veins with no answers and he wanted it to stop. His eyes scanned the darkened room and fell on the mirror on the wall, thankfully it was too high for him to see his reflection from his position on the bed but he knew what would be staring back, a monster and it had to stop it. Gingerly, he didn't want to wake anyone especially Liv, dropping the pillow back down he climbed from the bed and made his way over to his chest of draws, the pull of what lay hidden in them just too strong without Robert there to distract him. He pulled the top draw open moving aside the assortment of socks and boxers until he found what he was looking for, his fingers brushing over the cool steel enough to calm his already ragged breath. He picked up the blade and placed it flat in his left palm, the cold metal felt like fire against his skin. He cast a glance towards his bed but with no one there to stop him he retreated to the desk chair, blade in hand his eyes never leaving the instrument of his to torture, the tool that could make all his pain go away.

Robert knowing sleep was well beyond his reach heaved himself upright dropping his legs over the side of his bed and grabbed his phone his fingers dancing over Aarons name on the back light screen. It was too late, or too early he wasn't sure which, to call but he had to do something. He typed a quick text and discarded his phone on the side before sighing as he climbed from the bed. Maybe Aaron wouldn't get his text until the morning, maybe he wouldn't even acknowledge it but he couldn't just lay there anymore had to do something. Sometimes Robert couldn't help thinking that Aaron was so used to the hurt and the pain that he doubted himself when he didn't feel that agony, maybe that’s what today had been about, now that the thought of living without the shadow of Gordon over him was just too much and he'd lashed out because he didn’t know what else to do. He pushed his hand through his hair was he tried to stop the hammering in his chest at the idea of Aaron alone with his thoughts.  

Aarons hand felt heavy as he sat down, the blade digging into his skin hard enough to draw blood. He lifted his shirt up to reveal a strip of his already marked skin, the sight of which sent a wave of nausea through him and he had to close his eyes to shut out the image. With his eyes screwed shut he recalled the look on Roberts face when the nurse had revealed his wounds to him, he could still hear the sharp intake on his breath, could see the shocked sadness that reached his eyes, the pleading in his soft voice; why had pushed him away again when he needed him the most? Taking several deep breathes he opened his eyes and stared across at the mirror again, from his angle he could see the redness around his eyes as they locked with his reflection. The took the blade between his thumb and forefinger and pressed the sharp edge to his stomach, his eyes boring into his own as he did so, daring him to press harder. Just as he felt the first stab of relief followed by regret as he drew the blade firmly across his skin his phone buzzed startling him so much so he jumped dropping the blade in between his legs. Both annoyed and grateful at the intrusion he glanced down quickly to access the damage he'd done, there wasn't much, just faint red line, not enough to dispel the darkness but enough to distract him for now as he reached across the bed to retrieve his phone, a strangled sob escaping his throat as he saw who the message was from.

> I'm sorry

Something about the words made him lose himself completely as wave after wave of tears fell from his face. He tried to bat them away with the sleeve of his bed shirt but they were coming too fast for him to keep up. Without knowing it Robert had saved him once again. He looked at the four digits on his phone 03:34 but if Robert had sent him a text it must mean he was awake too. Without thinking about it too much and with tears still streaming down his face he wrapped his arms around himself and headed out the door, he needed Robert to stop the thoughts running through his head, to stop the pain; he needed Robert to distract him.

With nothing better to do Robert began to pace in front of the small window that looked out onto the village, the knowledge that the rest of the village was sleeping was more adamant as he scanned the darkened street. After a few passes something caught his eye, not something, someone. He strained his eyes looking through the glass trying to focus on the figure, a figure he'd know anywhere, a figure that was staring back up at his window. Aaron. It was Aaron and he was crying. Not just crying sobbing, the sight of which caused Roberts heart to shatter into a million pieces. As he tried to process what he was seeing, Aaron stood in the middle if the village his arms wrapped around his stomach as if cradling himself, an overwhelming panic took hold of him his thoughts turning to the marks on Aaron skin.

“No!” he cried softly as tears burned his eyes, and before he knew what he was doing he his feet where moving out the door.

By the time he raced down the stairs and out the door with just enough time to grab his khaki jacket as he passed by, Aaron was gone.

“Aaron?” Robert questioned softly into the night.

Had he imagined him? Had his need to see him brought him out into the cold night? No he'd been real; he'd seen the pain on his face, a pain that matched his own. As his eyes adjusted to the dim light he scanned the street again and that's when he heard it the light sobbing coming from under the street light.

“Aaron?”

“Make it stop,” Aaron choked out without looking up at Robert his eyes hot with shamed tears at what he'd nearly done

“What have you done?” Robert asked softly to which Aaron held out his injured hand and said simply,

“Fix me.”

“Oh Aaron,” Robert choked back a sob of his own as he reached for his hand his thumb brushing across the palm where the blade had dug into the skin drawing Aaron closer he scanned the rest of his body looking for any sign of further damage.

Aaron could feel Roberts eyes roam over his body and instead of feeling the shame he expected to he felt relief that Robert knew him well enough not to ask but to look, to suspect there was more.

“Is this the only one?” Robert briefly pressed his fingertips into Aaron palm as silent tears fell down his face.

“I'm fine,” Aaron croaked out in reassurance just as Robert noticed the darken spot on the front of his shirt.

He stepped forward his hand automatically reaching for the hem of Aarons shirt but Aaron shook his head as more tears escaped his eyes.

“Show me,” Robert pleaded desperately trying to mask the panic in his voice at what he’d find.

Aaron shook his head again but did nothing to stop Robert as he peeled back his shirt, wincing slightly as he revealed the small incision. Roberts eyes grew wide as he saw the small fresh cut.

“I-I…..”

“Shhh,” Robert soothed him as Aaron collapsed against his chest.

Robert captured him with his other hand and pulled him closer, they were so close now that Robert became painfully aware of his thin sweat soaked superman shirt that he’d chosen to wear to bed that night. His chin rested on the top of Aarons head and after a moment he felt Aarons arms link loosely around him his waist as he buried himself further into his chest, his warm breath heating up the skin under Roberts shirt. He wanted to ask more questions, to understand what had made Aaron hurt himself, guilt building in his stomach as he pulled him even closer at the thought it could have been him. He ached to be closer still, to have Aaron in his arms and never let go but he knew a line had been drawn earlier and he wasn't sure where it started. Aarons fingers dug into his shoulders letting him know he hadn't gone too far past the invisible line. He shifted slightly pulling back and leaning down he leant forward to place his lips against Aarons regretting it as soon as he did.

Aaron reluctantly tore himself from Roberts arms when he saw his intentions, tripping over his own feet as he backed away.

“Sorry I didn't...,” Robert started catching Aarons arm to keep him upright.

“I know,” Aaron nodded; they stared at each other both hurt.

“Just...”

“Okay,” Robert was quick to nod in agreement; he'd agree to anything as long as it meant he could keep Aaron in his life, keep him safe.

He knew it has been a stupid thing to do, Aaron wasn't ready for more yet and Robert understood that, he'd just wanted to offer him comfort, to let him know he wasn't alone, that he'd never be alone.

“I er I'll walk you home,” Robert gestured with his head in the general direction of the pub hesitating slightly he held out his hand for Aaron to take.

Aarons eyes flitted from Roberts face down to his outstretched arm and back up again, icy blue meeting deep indigo pools that seemed to call to each other. Aaron shook his head to dispel the lingering thoughts of Roberts lips on his and stepped away from him sighing as he did so but at the last moment before Robert dropped his hand he reached out entwining their fingers, the contact sending a shiver down his spine.

Robert walked Aaron back to the pub and without waiting for an invitation followed him quietly up the stairs.

“Is it still here?” he asked as he pushed open the door to Aarons, their, room.

Aaron nodded from just inside the doorway; he didn't trust himself to go further until he knew Robert had got rid of the blade. Robert stepped into the room and flicked on the bedside light illuminating one corner of the room with enough light for him to see where the blade had fallen. He bent over to retrieve it, swallowing thickly when he saw the flaky redness against the steel grey.

“I'll...,” Robert hid the blade in his hand and left the room to dispose of it.

He raided the bathroom cabinet for the things he needed and when he returned Aaron hadn't moved from inside the doorway.

“Let's get you cleaned up,” Robert suggested.  

“I told you I'm fine,” Aaron insisted.

“Humour me,” Robert gave in a quick half smile before closing the door behind them, the last thing they needed was Chas or worse Liv waking up to see Aaron in this state.

Robert made him sit on the edge of the bed as he kneeled in front of him and set about cleaning the wound on his palm. When Robert was satisfied he knelt back on his heels bringing his hand up to cup Aarons cheek but Aaron turned his head away.

“Hey look at me,” Robert exhaled.

Aaron shook his head the shame from earlier was back. Robert dropped his hand.

“I need to..”

“I know,” Aaron choked out and leant back on his hands to allow Robert to attend to the wound on his stomach.

He watched intently as Robert cleaned the wound with such care guilt began to curl in his pit of his stomach.

“I'm sorry,” he whispered causing Robert to look up at him but Aaron was unable to meet his gaze.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Robert reassured him their earlier argument forgotten all he cared about making sure Aaron was safe,

“I'm the one that needs to apologise if I didn’t get rid of the letter.”

“Don't,” Aaron folded his arms around himself.

“Aaron we need to talk about this,” Robert declared.

“Not now,” Aaron muttered under in breath.

Robert nodded as he reluctantly stood up moving away from Aaron disposing of the used wipes in the bin by the desk smiling to himself when he saw his shirt hanging on the wardrobe door.

“Stay,” Aaron whispered into the space between them.

“Aaron I…”

“Please I...I...you...make it stop.”

 _How?_ Robert wanted to ask but didn't instead he sat down next to him and slid his arm around Aarons shoulder pulling him to his side.

“I can stay downstairs,” Robert said after a few minutes; it was only a few hours ago that Aaron had yelled at him to get out of his life, the words still stung so he didn’t want to push Aaron into something he wasn’t ready for.

Aaron lifted his head from Roberts shoulder and looked at him properly for the first time that night; he could see the hurt creased across his brow, could see the hesitation in the clench of his jaw.

“Do you love me?”

Roberts breath caught in his throat as he answered,

“More than you’ll ever know.”

“I'll do it again,” Aaron informed him.

“I know,” Robert said sadly finding Aaron hand with his he wrapping his fingers around Aarons his thumb rubbing over each knuckle in turn memorising the feel of Aarons skin under his fingers as h vowed,

“And I'll be here to pick up the pieces....always.”

“I don't..”

“Shh it's okay,” Robert soothed,

“I got you.”

“Promise?” Aaron asked but the word came out strangled like he couldn’t believe anything Robert told him.

“I know you don't believe it right now but I've changed, and so have you, you don't know how strong you are.”

Aaron snorted his answer,

“I'm weak.”

“This,” Robert brought Aarons hand up to his face and pressed his lips to the broken skin,

“This doesn't make you weak.”

“No,” Aaron pulled his hand away and tapped the side of his head,

“This does.”

“And I'm sorry for the part I played it that I truly am.”

“I'll push you away again,” Aaron said matter of factly.

“I know,” Robert breathed out and he did know, he knew Aaron would push him away when he needed him the most like he'd always done.

Silence stretched out between them; it was a comfortable silence, one that let you know what the other person was thinking.

“Why do you keep coming back?” Aaron whispered.

Robert shifted so he could look at Aarons face; taking his uninjured hand on his he gave it a reassuring squeeze,

“Because I want you to be able to rely on me Aaron.”

Aaron sucked in his bottom lip before releasing it with a nod.

“You should get some rest,” Robert said quietly disengaging himself he stood hovering at the end of the bed.

“Erm I'll just...”

“I don't want to be alone,” Aaron sighed heavily.

“Are you sure?”

“Just...” Aaron shuffled up and pulled back the covers on Roberts side of the bed inviting him in.

Robert smiled sadly before shrugging out of his jacket and slipping under the covers next to him. Aaron turned away from him but Robert knew this was because he wanted to feel Roberts arms around him, and Robert was only too happy to oblige.

“Is this okay?” Robert asked as he slid his arm around Aarons middle conscious of the wound that lay under his shirt.

Aarons response was to take Roberts hand in his and wrap it further around him.

“Don't lie to me Robert,” Aaron warned into the dark Before turning over so he could face him.

Robert reached up and brushed away a falling tear as he promised,

“I won't,” before placing his lips light on Aarons forehead.

“I like this shirt,” Aaron smiled sheepishly as he leaned into Roberts chest; _Superman_ maybe it was an omen, closing his eyes he could hear the gentle ‘lub dub’ of Roberts heartbeat his very own soundtrack to

fall asleep too as he felt himself drift into unconsciousness for the first time that night safe back in the arms of the man that loved him, back in Roberts arms.

 


End file.
